Custom design: answers from a diamond dealer

Hi there! There have been a few threads lately discussing the difference between "custom" rings and "bespoke" rings. There seems to be a consensus that "custom" means assembled from off the shelf parts, and "bespoke" means made from raw materials (casting gold, setting stones, etc.). Those are certainly valid definitions, but unfortunately these words don't have standardized definitions within the jewelry industry.

For example, at my company, we make every single ring from scratch - we create CADs, cast metal, match pave stones to a client's chosen center for color, cut, etc., and set them by hand. That would fit the sub's definition of "bespoke" - but we usually call our rings "custom" when talking with our clients, simply because most people aren't familiar with the word "bespoke."

My point is, when a jeweler quotes you for a "custom ring" or a "bespoke ring," ask the jeweler what that means. It can mean different things for different jewelers!

I'm really sorry to read this and hear that you feel this way! Ring shopping is supposed to be a celebration. This should be fun!

First of all, in 2020 America literally everyone feels fat, ugly, and "not good enough." Thank "Kardashian culture" for that. Put that out of your mind. It's crap, and all you have to do to be free of it is to DECIDE to. No, you're not perfect. None of us are. That's OK. You still deserve beauty and happiness in your life.

If it helps, remember that this ring is as much about HIM as you. He wants people to see you wearing it and know that you two are committed to each other. He's proud to be with you and wants the world to know it. Try to see yourself through his eyes!

And your budget is totally fine! You can get something you'll love and be proud of. Don't sweat that at all. I'd recommend sticking with a simple, minimalist, timeless design that will pair with whatever you're wearing - from jeans to an evening gown. In the end, it's all about how looking at it will make you and your future husband feel. No one else. You.

Get it custom made! That way you get exactly the design you want, in HER finger size and preferred metal type. Plus you make sure all the little diamonds in the halo match the center stone (otherwise the ring really won't look good).

You're probably thinking "I can't afford custom on my budget!" But making a custom ring doesn't cost any more than buying one from a store. In fact it often costs less. In your case (really, in everyone's case!), it's just the obvious right way to go.

Source: I make custom rings for a living (check my post history!).

You're welcome - I'm glad to help!

The problem with buying that ring from JA is that the setting will not be made to match the center. That means the small diamonds in the ring won't match in color and appearance to the center stone, and that gives the whole piece a "Frankenstein" look - it isn't cohesive. You're much better off getting a stone having a ring custom made to match it.

I do like that design, though! It just needs to be executed to work in sync with your center stone.

A lot of people don't think of that, but it's super important. It's one of those things that you don't realize is a big deal until you see a ring that's WRONG. Then you know it immediately.

This is why I think it's so important to have an engagement ring custom made. It should match the stone, and the finger it's going on, perfectly. Your stone, your preferred metal, your matching diamonds, your finger size, YOUR RING.

People think "custom = expensive," but that's just not true. In fact, a custom ring is often CHEAPER than a similar ring in a store.

I have posted extensively on this topic - please check my post history!

Yes, they are much more poorly made. These rings are typically made by a process called "lost wax setting," which (among other things) means the stones are set automatically and all at once, rather than one by one, by hand. It's cheaper to do, but it doesn't produce nearly the same result.

Look for something made domestically, where you can go back the manufacturer (not just the place that sold it to you, whoever ACTUALLY MADE IT) if you have a problem. Look for handmade rings with attention to detail. This is one of the many reasons I advocate getting a ring custom made, and why I do things this way in my own business.

Metal fatigue is a serious issue. And with a cheap ring like this, it's likely not a strong alloy to begin with. With this kind of setting, the minute you heat it up or take a tool to it (to set your new stones), you loosen the other stones, and they start to fall out one by one.

Yes, it's a total gimmick. Don't buy a kleenex when you just want a tissue, and don't pay extra for a branded diamond!

Glad to help! If you decide you want to go the custom route (which I STRONGLY recommend!), PM me and I can help.

I assume you're talking about an engagement ring? If so, I'm not a big fan of the "pre-finished" ring. You should really get just what you want, so custom is usually the way to go. I prefer to choose a stone first (since that's where most of the money gets spent) and then build a ring around it.

As for how to get the best deal, there's no one right way. But the one constant is that you have to find someone to work with who you feel comfortable with, and can trust. As is often said in the industry, "if you don't know jewelry, know your jeweler."

I really recommend custom rings rather than "off the shelf." It's not significantly more expensive, and this way you get exactly what you want. I like to help a client choose the perfect center stone first, and then custom build the ring around it. That way, the side stones all match the center stone, metal type and finger size are correct, and the design is exactly what the client wants.

The only downside is that custom making a ring takes a few weeks, so impulse shopping isn't really an option.

It's generally not much more expensive (if at all) than buying off the shelf. For me, it's really the only way to go. In engagement rings, I carry almost no stock, for this reason. I'd much rather help a client find the perfect stone, and then build the ring around the stone. That way, the colors of side diamonds match the center perfectly, the design is exactly what the client wants, the finger size and metal type are correct, etc. etc.

I really recommend you go custom when you can. The only downside is that it takes a few weeks to make a custom ring, so you can't impulse shop for one.

One word of caution about a non-diamond engagement ring. Some precious stones are more durable than others (use the Mohs hardness scale for reference). For example, sapphire is almost as hard as diamond, and will withstand years of wear and tear, whereas tanzanite (also a blue stone, somewhat similar in appearance) is MUCH more fragile, and stands a much higher chance of chipping or shattering. So, if you go this route, think carefully about the practicality of what you get as well as the design.

As for "conflict-free," any reputable diamond source (store, dealer, etc.) will be able to give you written assurance that what they sell is conflict free, so you should be fine there.