More answers: answers from a diamond dealer

Work with a trusted dealer who knows his or her supply chain. This is an important issue for many of us, and we take it very seriously.

I really like working with Botswanan diamonds, as I am happy to support what the profits from those stones have done to improve the lives of the people there. The same can be said for Namibia, South Africa, and other places as well.

EDIT: I appreciate you asking this question and genuinely looking for an answer!

Pros have never used them. The best tool for judging how a diamond performs is the eye of the viewer. These scopes create conditions that don't exist anywhere you'll actually wear your ring, so why do we care how a diamond looks under them?

If I could make a special "Martian lamp" that simulated lighting conditions on Mars, why would you use it to assess your stone? Are you planning to wear it on Mars? If not, why would you care?

I made a video on this topic a while ago. Maybe it'll help.

https://youtu.be/Duh_zTr1SpU

Don't worry about what anyone else says! If you two love it, that's all that matters.

However, two things I'd worry about with this ring.

1. It has lots of small protrusions to create the look. Those will snag on every shirt you ever wear, they'll collect dirt and grime, and they will be highly prone to bending out of shape.

1. Ask yourself honestly - will you still love it in 20 years? I don't know you so it's not my place to say, but in my experience many couples who opt for a ring in this vein wind up outgrowing that decision and changing the ring.

Good luck!

BN is the home depot of diamonds online. Imagine walking into Home Depot looking for a specific kind of screw. You know it's probably in there somewhere, but there are a million other screws in there as well, and how will you know if you have the right one? There's no employee in sight to help you, and even if there was, he works in the garden section at another store, knows nothing about screws, and has never seen any of these. Oh, and some of the screws are rusty and some aren't.

How will you know if you got the right one?

That's a classic style. I make pieces like that all the time, and I'm sure others could as well.

I would recommend you start with the center diamond. After all, that's where most of your money will be spent. Get the stone first, and then build the ring around it, so all the stones match, proportions are right, etc. Think of it like tailoring a suit. You need to know who will be wearing it first!

How much do you know about diamonds?

BN is like the home depot of diamonds. If you walk into home depot knowing EXACTLY what kind of bolt you need, you can find it. If not you'll spend hours wandering the aisles and leave frustrated. Similarly, if you know a lot about diamonds already (like, REALLY know, not just some research on the internet) you can probably find what you need there. But if you need any help at all figuring it out, BN is not where you want to go.

Find an expert you can trust, and then trust that expert! For example, my expertise is diamonds and diamond jewelry. If you knew enough to really understand all there is to know about diamonds, you'd be a professional yourself! It's not reasonable for a consumer to expect to learn enough to fully understand a diamond. So, when you're shopping for a diamond, you're REALLY shopping for a diamond expert you feel comfortable with. Find someone great, and once you have someone whose advice you can count on - COUNT ON IT.

No, I don't think there's any advantage to buying in Canada. Diamonds are a global market.

It sounds like you're a little overwhelmed. I advise you to take this one step at a time. Your best bet is to find a jeweler you can trust and feel comfortable with. Someone who can be honest and forthcoming with you, and educate you about stones and rings.

There are lots of places to buy a stone. Diamonds are a commodity, after all. So you're not really shopping for a diamond, you're shopping for a jeweler. After all, you will need someone to help with your ring long after you buy it. Rings require service, and you want to know there's someone in your corner.

So, ask around for referrals to a good jeweler who can act as your advocate. Read reviews online (both on reddit and elsewhere). Have a conversation or two with jewelers. See how that goes, and take it from there.

Good question!

Read reviews. Ask friends about their experiences, especially AFTER they had already made a purchase. And most importantly, talk with potential jewelers and see how the conversation feels. Is it all about making a sale, or is the jeweler actually trying to help you?

I like to spend a lot of time educating my clients on how to look at stones and evaluate them. Not only does it help them feel comfortable, it actually makes my job a lot easier. But some jewelers prefer their clients not to know much. I don't think that's fair. I don't like the idea of using information against my client!

Think of your jeweler not as a salesman but like your lawyer or accountant. A good jeweler's job is to offer professional guidance to help you spend your money effectively to achieve your goals.

I've had quite a few people come to me after buying something from JA and returning it, dissatisfied. Then again, some people have good experiences. YMMV. But I believe the best way to buy an engagement ring is to find an expert you can trust and work with that person. You want to have a relationship with your jeweler, so that you know there is someone you can call for whatever service you need in the future. The relationship between jeweler and client should be long term, not transactional. And you just can't have a relationship with a website! So, find an expert you feel comfortable with, and work with him or her!

Talk to your friends/mom/sister/etc. about what you like. When my clients don't know what their GFs like, I always advise them to ask the friends and family.

At the same time, the engagement ring he gives you is meant to be an expression of how HE feels as well. So make sure to allow him to feel he has some input and control over it. He may have his own ideas about what he'd love to do, and you may be surprised to find you love something you never imagined.

I think JA is fine as a one-time source for a stone and ring... But that's really not the way I advocate buying a ring. Where the JAs of the world tend to fall down is on service. They're just not set up for long-term relationships with their clients. The nature of e-commerce is transactional, not consultative, so the relationship just doesn't get built.

When you buy an engagement ring, unlike virtually anything else you will ever buy, you will have it FOREVER. Someone will wear it, every day, for the REST OF HER LIFE. There aren't a lot of products like that. And, like anything you own long term, it will need service and maintenance. So you need to have a relationship with someone you can trust to take care of that stuff.

I've said this in this sub, and elsewhere, many times. Your jeweler shouldn't be the equivalent of Amazon. Your jeweler should be the equivalent of your lawyer, your doctor, or your accountant. At the end of the day, a diamond is a commodity. You can get one in lots of different places. So what you're paying the jeweler for is professional expertise, advice, and guidance. You're paying the jeweler to stand behind his product, and help you care for it, forever. It's a meaningful commitment on behalf of the jeweler, and it's one I take very seriously.

So, if you don't know jewelry, KNOW YOUR JEWELER. You just can't do that with JA, BN, or any of the other big sites.

That's tough to answer... They're not useful for me, and I don't know anyone in the industry who uses them to make buying decisions. When you've seen thousands of diamonds and evaluated them, these kind of abstractions get in the way more than they help. Basically they're a sales tool for consumers. On the other hand, if you're trying to decide between two stones that are equal in every other way, I guess you could use ASET as a tiebreaker. But when are two stones EVER equal in every way?

That's a tough one. It's really a very personal decision. I know the old "2 months' salary" line, but I really think that's BS. There's really only one way to decide for yourself how much you want to spend on an engagement ring. Ask yourself "how much money would make me uncomfortable? At what number do I start to think 'this is too much?'" Spend slightly less than that.

But as for a specific minimum, bear in mind that I'm in Los Angeles, so if you're in a part of the world where conspicuous consumption is less prevalent than here, your answer may be different... But here, I've done engagement rings for as little as $2,000, and for as much as $500,000+.